


Loki Hears Some Vogon Poetry

by sketchnurse



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bad Poetry, Crack, F/M, Hitchhiker's Guide, ohgodwhat, possible need for brain bleach, unconventional torture, vogons - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-07
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-09 08:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/453299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sketchnurse/pseuds/sketchnurse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of Loki's punishment from Thanos. This is the story of Loki wishing he could commit seppuku to stop his ears from bleeding. This story contains love poetry for Mistress Death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loki Hears Some Vogon Poetry

Torture was always the best option, Loki decided. It was always a trick when they offered you something else. That something else was always something that didn’t seem like torture, but totally was, and was a million times worse, in its own way.

He had never listened to the legends of Vogon poetry. Such rumours were always unfounded. He was only now finding out that the reason no one could offer him a concrete example of Vogon poetry was because there was no way anyone could survive a reading. 

“See the lisping cosmos, gaping open  
Like a whore’s love cave”

He moaned and struggled against his bonds, but they were as strong as ever. He should have taken the machine that made blood eagles look like getting a paper cut. He should have just cut his losses.

“Also like a whore’s love cave, the cosmos  
Are dripping with viscous desire   
To be penetrated by my spear, and owned  
By me”

It was so bad. It was so, so, so bad…

“And you, Death, are the same  
Ready to be possessed  
Your perfect and rotting bosom  
Surely heaves for my coming touch”

He tried very, very hard not to vomit in his mouth at the caress Thanos gave to Death’s name. He was only partially successful. 

“And you will lie blibbering in anticipation  
For my thrust”

Was there any way he could just kill himself now? He reached deep within himself, looking for the smallest hint of magic so he could just sever every artery in his body and be done with it, but the punishment he had received from Odin bore no faults. He considered asking his adopted father for help. The temptation was so great…

“And you will revel in the way I smell  
Of unwashed undergarments  
I know it will remind you of your childhood home  
The masticating houseplants and their devouring of small insects  
Glomping away, spittle flying into your tea”

Would Odin even be able to hear him? Did he know where he was? Was he watching him? Was he laughing? Oh, the Allfather was probably laughing at him, and he didn’t blame him. He had never seen this coming, and it was that lack of foresight that was costing him what little sanity he had left.

“O, Death, how I wait for thee as well!  
You will wrap me in your embrace  
And take in my manhood, and it shall slip and slide—”

“No! No more! Odin! Save me! I will take anything, anything but this! Remake me as an eel! Force me to read bedtime stories to small girls with sharp fingernails! Anything, Father!” Thanos merely laughed manically, before continuing.

“And we shall writhe together, like two lampreys   
Making a meal of an unsuspecting deep-sea diver  
Like two tapeworms enjoying the entrails of a cow…”

**Author's Note:**

> This story's creation is to be blamed on this prompt from avengerkink. http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/7293.html?thread=13467261#t13467261.


End file.
